Isn't it a relief that pagan rituals aren't associated with Easter? No dressing up in costumes like Halloween or subverting young minds with candy, no superstitions to distract from the true meaning of...

[sees giant pink inflatable rabbit clutching an egg in front of church, people dressed up in Nativity-scene attire, and freakin' Peeps everywhere]

Never mind.

I have a memory of the family serving ham for Easter - I ate it with ketchup. I must have been five. I still like ketchup, but not on ham. Also, because it's important, everyone should know that I don't like Peeps or jelly beans, and most chocolate Easter bunnies are made of inferior chocolate.

I used to work for an art supply store that happened to be owned by a Jewish guy. We never closed for Easter, but got Rosh Hashana off.